Donald Trump is coming to town

donaldtrumpiscomingtotownThis afternoon we here in the Upstate of South Carolina will be graced by the inconvenience of hosting the greatest inconvenience this country has ever seen.  Air Force One is set to land at Greenville-Spartanburg Airport at 5:25 pm.  To appreciate this tidbit of information, let me give you some local color on what happens at 5:25 pm on Interstate 85.

Nothing, Zip,  Nada.  You see the airport is at Exit 57.  BMW’s only North American manufacturing plant is at exits 58 & 60.  Michelin North American headquarters is at exit 54.  Beyond exit 60 to the north is Charlotte.  South of exit 54, well that leads to Atlanta.  Are you beginning to build the mental picture I’m trying to paint for you?  Traffic doesn’t move on a good day, much less a Monday.

Donald Trump will be attending a fundraiser for our accidental governor, Henry McMaster about two miles from where I work.  Henry is accidental in the fact that we sacrificially gave up our elected governor, Nikki Haley to Donald Trump.  Nikki is now on Sunday talk shows explaining that she agrees with Donald, it’s just that he keeps leaving out details when he says he is going to wipe North Korea off the map.

Back to this afternoon.  It will be an invitation only, private closed to the press, fundraiser at one of our swanky hotels for out-of-town business guests.  The hotel is located on a ritzy connector road between two major thorough fares that dump traffic onto Interstate 85.  Meanwhile, several miles away in the downtown district there are protests scheduled that are open to everyone.

In light of this, my escape route home involves none of the traffic and hopefully I can peacefully slide away from work under the radar and get home in my usual 25 minutes.  Speaking of radar and people and things that fly under it, I’ve written a little jingle about this afternoon’s visit that you can sing along to.  Once you read it, you should pick up the tune quite easily.  In honor of our visitor and to celebrate the Christmas (NOT HOLIDAY) season.

 

I‘m living in doubt, he’s telling a lie

He makes me wanna shout, I’m telling you why

Donald Trump is coming to town.

 

I‘m making a fist and shaking it twice

Where in the hell is that bastard Tom Price

Donald Trump is coming to town.

 

He tweets when you are sleeping

He never takes a break

He doesn’t know if he is bad or good

“Cause he never makes a mistake!

 

I’m living in doubt, he’s telling a lie

He makes me wanna shout, I’m telling you why

Donald Trump is coming to town.

 

Little tin hats, little tiny hands

Vegas is great – Puerto Rico must wait

Donald Trump is coming to town

 

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